


We loved and we lost you. We loved and we saved you.

by TubbyTomatooO



Category: SEAL Team (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Cheating, Heavy Angst, Hurt Clay Spenser, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Recovery, Single Parents, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:28:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23487568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TubbyTomatooO/pseuds/TubbyTomatooO
Summary: It takes a while for clay to realise that no matter what happens, these men- his brothers, they're his family. That won't ever change.No matter what happens.No matter how broken he gets
Relationships: Brock Reynolds & Clay Spenser, Jason Hayes & Clay Spenser, Ray Perry & Clay Spenser, Sonny Quinn & Clay Spenser, Stella Baxter/Clay Spenser, Trent Sawyer & Clay Spenser
Comments: 68
Kudos: 169





	1. My aim is so true

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably going to be a long one. This will be my first attempt at writing a long story with multiple chapters so bare with me here please? Also any suggestions or criticisms would be gratefully received :) Xx stay safe in this global crisis and enjoy my shitty writing XD

"Boys... I got a bad feeling 'bout this. I'm bein' serious." 

Clay chuckled over the radio line, a big grin stretching across his face, he could tell the others were stifling laughter too from the way their shoulders shook. Sonny's constant complaining and new list of fears always got their spirits up. 

"Sonny, when do you not have a bad feeling?"

Clay flashed a teasing smirk at the Texan, all the while observing their surroundings as they exited the safety of the beige Stryker. Though he wouldn't admit it to his skittish teammate— Clay was also getting a bad vibe from this place. Not that it mattered, the stubborn Cake-eaters back home would force this Op no matter their concerns, even if it killed everyone on this mission.

The streets were uncharacteristically clear for mid afternoon on a weekday, not even a child could be heard playing or laughing— or crying which was what was most often heard in these kinds of places. Where was the market? Where were the people heading out to work or for supplies? This was only increasing Clay's suspicions of something being wrong, they were supposed to be visiting an orphanage right?

So, didn't the kids play? Shouldn't they be able to hear them?

But they were simply greeted with silence so great that the loudest thing— the only thing that could be heard was the crunch of their combat boots on compacted sand underfoot and the humming of the wind as it whipped the sand up into their eyes and mouths. 

From the looks everyone was exchanging, they felt it too, regardless if they were voicing it or not. They all knew the drill. Even Cerb' was on high alert, ears up high and tail still, nose carefully sniffing the scent on the air. 

Ray cast an uneasy glance back at the senators they were escorting. Then to the sandstone and scrap-wood building that was supposed to resemble a orphanage. Not likely.  
"Jason.."

" I know."  
Their captain looked grim as he took the lead walking up the steps towards the doors, tentatively pushing them open. He was still for a moment and Clay couldn't read his expression, no doubt it wasn't good though. 

"HAVOC are you sure you've given us the right address?" Jason walked into the building with his gun raised as he waited for a response from command. 

He glanced behind him briefly and looked at Clay and Brock.  
" Bravo 5, 6 with me." 

Clay moved to stand on his leaders right in the centre of what he could only assume used to be a holding hall for cattle— judging from the hoof marks worked into the gritty floor from years of constant use.  
He heard the rest of the boys fall into place around the senators, filling the gaps that they had left. 

"Affirmative Bravo 1, you're in the right location. Why?"

Flicking his eyes analytically around the room, Clay sought out all the potential places that the enemy could've set a trap from. This place needed to be thoroughly vetted before they even thought about letting the senators inside. Clay was sticking to the outer wall, clinging to the shadows cast by the thick grimy yellow walls that trapped them in like animals in a cage. 

"What's the hold up master chief?"  
The three senators who, if Clay wasn't on duty would've left bare assed in the dirt the first moment he could, strode into the building like it was a hotel resort in California. 

Clay looked at Trent with raised eyebrows when the rest of their party filtered into the dimly lit building. He shrugged back, apparently at a loss for words also. Damn big-wigs needed to understand that this was a fucking war-zone, not a place to further their campaigns or whatever's on their agenda at the time. 

Men had fought here and men had died here. Didn't they get that? Families grieved for sons and daughters lost because they were killed in this shithole of a town! 

"Where are the children? Isn't this supposed to be an orphanage?"

Another of the senators piped in to an apparent long running conversation of which their mighty leader was trying to convince the three old men to just go back to the truck until it was safe. The senators voice echoed off of the walls and made Clay wince with the volume of it. 

Way to draw attention to their position. 

Jason breathed a deep sigh and turned to the three civilians in front of him, he could tell their captain was about to tear them a new one. 

After completing a few laps of the main room whilst Jason voiced his concerns to deaf ears, Clay was about to declare the room clear and join back up with the boys. That was until he heard the distant but unmistakable click of a mag being attached to an AK. 

Fuck.

Clay had an idea of where it was coming from, if the sand falling from the celling beams was any indication. They needed to get out of here now.  
Where there was one guy with an AK, more certainly followed. No time to be subtle, they were loading up to shoot them all as if they were fish in a barrel. Raising his gun up to eye level he aimed towards the celling, 

"One Enemy combatant! Probably more! Rooftop." It seemed as though the enemy knew they had been caught because as soon as Clay opened his mouth to speak bullets started showering down on them from above as if it was raining hailstones of death. 

Jason spun on his heel from where he had been getting into a pretty heated argument with the old men, quickly yanking then out of the way of fire. 

"Everybody out! Back to the truck!"

Clay took up a defensive position with Ray whilst the others got the senators to the armoured vehicle without getting their asses shot off in the process.

Combatants were crawling out of the celling from manholes like cockroaches out of woodwork. Ray and Clay combined weren't even making a dent in them. For every one that clay shot two more would appear.

Where were they even coming from?

Finally, finally Clay received the tap on the shoulder he had been waiting for.

"Last man!"

Smoothly getting to his feet, Clay wasted no time in backing towards the doorway as fast as his feet would allow it, getting caught wasn't an option. 

Getting killed wasn't either.

It was too good to be true wasn't it? The fact that all of them would be able to get away without serious injury, now that was really pushing the limit. 

"BRAVO 6 LOOKOUT! FRAG INCOMING!"

Of course there was a frag. 

There was always a fucking frag. 

Clay dropped his rifle in the dive for cover back into the building. He knew what they were trying to do, trying to trap him, capture him. 

Everyone knew what they did with captured soldiers. His team didn't deserve that, didn't deserve his head in a box shipped to them.  
Stella didn't deserve that.  
Their daughter certainly didn't.

He couldn't go out like this, he couldn't. 

As he was laying there amongst the rubble and the dirt, he noted that explosions do funny things to your mind—if you survive long enough to feel the after effects that is. 

There was a roaring loader than 10 Cargo-Plane's engines going off at once as the wall and parts of the celling caved in, blocking his only way out. 

Awh hell. 

As Clay adjusted, it felt like there were ice-pics simultaneously mutilating his eardrums while the operator scrambled around blindly in the dark for his gun. 

His heart was in his throat, choking him out as he desperately tried not to panic. He was a tier one operator for fucks sakes!

As his fingers enclosed around his gun his ears suddenly opened up to all the noise surrounding him, flooding him with it all at once. 

A black combat boot unceremoniously crunched down on his wrist and kicked away his rifle yelling at him in Pashto to 'surrender American scum'. Or something along those lines. All the noises were starting to blur into one now. 

Except for his team who were still screaming at him through the radio, though he knew from the gunshots that the convoy was under heavy fire. Their voices were crystal clear. 

"Bravo 6 copy!"

"BRAVO 6 RESPOND!"

"KID!"

"CLAY?!"

"CLAY ARE YOU GOOD?!"

They couldn't wait for him.  
The mission came first, but Clay knew they would anyway. 

That's what they did.

However much in that moment Clay wanted to grab that radio and scream that he was alive and to come and get him. 

However scared and frightened he was, he couldn't.  
He wouldn't let them risk their lives like that.

He just couldn't.

They were his brothers and this time, for once, it was his chance to protect them. Not the other way around.

So instead, Clay reached for his battered radio and flipped on the audio switch, before his captors could seize it from him like they had his gun.

"This is Bravo 6 to all call signs."

Swallowing down his tears he remembered something Adam had told him right after Brian had died.  
'The Navy is like liquid, if one drop of water gets taken out, there's always more water to fill the hole in.'  
Clay hadn't believed it then but now he realised it was true.

They would move on. That he knew. 

And that was okay. It was good.

"It's- it's been an honour serving with you brothers —"

Clay barely contained a strangled yell when a knee met with his back, pinning him down. He'd run out of time 

And evidently out of luck.

He'd proved Stella's dad right after all. He wasn't coming home this time. Probably not even in a pine box.

Oh god what would she tell AJ? Would their daughter even understand that her daddy wasn't coming home? 

Would she hate him for it?

"Tell my girls I love them."

Probably.

"Clay just hang on-"

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! GO!"

Clay screamed into the radio before he took the but of an AK to the face and everything melted into black.

••••••••••••••<>[SEAL TEAM]<>••••••••••••••••

"No."

"Jason no."

Sonny stared at his friend and his team leader with horror. 

" you can't."

Jason looked physically pained like someone had kicked him in the gut.  
" we've got orders." He turned to Ray in the drivers seat. 

"Go."

Sonny scrambled to grab his radio and get on the com line before they were too far out but it didn't mater how much they hailed the youngest member of their team; there was only static— he was like a son to some of them and a brother to most. 

The best damn friend Sonny had ever had. 

They couldn't loose him like this.

"FUCK IT ALL TO HELL"

Cerberus whimpered from the footwell as he pawed at the backpack Clay had left in the truck. 

Sonny exchanged glances with Brock as he leaned down to pet the K9 gently behind the ears, 

"Yeah buddy, we know, we'll get him back."

Damn right they would. 

And as sonny thought this, he realised that the same grim determination was on each and every one of his team mates faces. 

In the beginning when he was a cocky shit they might of only rescued clay out of obligation, for the empty words of brotherhood that hadn't been truly earned. 

But now? He was really one of them. 

He was their kid.

<><><>

Jason was glad he was sat in the front of the truck, so that no one could see the agony he was felt at leaving Clay behind. The kid was more than a brother to him,

He was a son.

It felt like loosing his Alana all over again. 

Jason knew this wasn't the end. It wouldn't end like this, they would get their boy back, no matter the cost. No matter how long it took.

Just hang in there kid. 

For us.


	2. I won’t cry. I won’t shed a tear.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ransom video comes through, Jason deals with emotions and we meet baby AJ!  
> [TW for graphic descriptions of torture]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAHHH NEW CHAPTER. 2 chapters in 2 days you guys are lucky lucky lucky ! Just joking. I wanted to get this out there so I could move on to the good stuff. Tell me what you all think! As always, stay safe and healthy! Xx  
> (ps. I tried to proof read it but it’s like 12:30 in the AM ;-;)

"I can't fucking believe this." 

"Sonny!"

Sonny clenched his fists with anger when Ray chastised him, not in the mood for his good little soldier act. They'd promised him they'd be back for him and now some fucking cake-eaters were stopping them from going back to get their boy.

"Let Jason handle this"  
Sonny gritted his teeth together and pulled a toothpick out of his pocket and stuck it in his mouth to distract himself from the crushing guilt he was feeling. No casualties, no injuries. Not even a scratch on the senators. That wasn't surprising though. 

The good men always got the short end of the stick.

"Like hell we're going home without Clay!"

Looking over to where the noise was coming from, Sonny realised that their captain had stormed over to Blackburn, towering over him with his lip curled up in a snarl of defiance. 

"Master chief! This is a direct order from up top!"

"It could come from the damn president for all I care! We're not leaving him!" 

Jason moved closer, eyes burning with an intense kind of fury.  
"If you had just listened to me in the first place, then none of this would've happened! NONE OF IT."

Eric seemed to stiffen at the tone Jason used on him, it was unlike Jason to outright refuse an order he was given, even if it was at detriment to the team. This was a new Jason, a Jason born out of desperation and grief at loosing someone else he held dear to him. 

This Jason was unpredictable— dangerous.

They had seen it in Mexico, now they were seeing it again.

Ray seemed to notice this too since he quickly eased his way in-between the two arguing men, pushing lightly on Jason's chest to get him to back up before an actual fight broke out. The last thing they needed was Jason getting benched for uppercutting their commanding officer, especially if they were gonna get Boy Scout back in one piece. 

If they got him back at all. 

Brock and Trent quickly followed suit and pulled Jason away, Trent saying something about needing to check Jason over again despite having checked him over as soon as they got back. 

Eric turned away and pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily.

" we sent a drone over where Bravo 6's last location was."

Everyone's heads snapped up to attention in unison, the tiniest slither of hope clinging to their hearts that Clay was still there, had fought his way out. 

Wishes rarely came true though. 

Clay wasn't there and he hadn't escaped— of that much they were sure, if the grainy drone footage was anything to go by. 

If Sonny squinted hard enough he could just about see the outline of a bound figure being drug out of the fake orphanage and tossed carelessly into the back of a pickup truck before pixilated static filled the screen. 

"That's it?" Sonny gnawed on the wooden toothpick to stop himself from spitting sharper words at their commanding officer.

Eric nodded "that's it." 

" the reason we can't get him isn't because we're not allowed... it's because we can't find him. That footage is now at least 5 hours old. They could be anywhere by now. They could've even crossed the border." Blackburn said solemnly, dragging a hand over his face and closing the laptop with a slam. 

Sonny noticed the somber mood that had taken over the team like a cloud and he cleared his throat to grab attention— weakly attempting to reassure them all though he was sure that was supposed to be Jason's job. 

"Wonder boy will be fine. The kid's got balls of steel." 

Ray snorted and rolled his eyes,  
"Sonny's right, it wouldn't hurt for us all to get some sleep. Tomorrow we'll be fresher and more ready to do what needs to be done."

Sonny didn't say anything else and pulled of his gear piece by piece as he approached his hammock, climbing into his temporary bed with ease. Glancing over his shoulder at the empty hammock next to him, Sonny felt a pang of guilt. 

"Dammit kid, why'd you have to be a hero."

Tomorrow would be a better day.

it had to be.

••••••••••••••<>[SEAL TEAM]<>••••••••••••••••

Whoever said tomorrow would be better was wrong. 

So fucking wrong. 

More wrong than those people who said the earth is flat and the moon landing was a hoax.

Jason hadn't really slept at all that night, only getting an hour or so when he stopped pacing long enough. When he did manage to drift though; it was in the early hours of the morning- with the sun peeking over the horizon hesitantly, casting a rosy pink hue across the black night; it was to ray shaking him violently awake, a sense of urgency in his voice as he rushed Jason to get up. 

"The ransom came in."

Jason was on his feet in an instant, vision going fuzzy from head rush,  
"Phone call or video....." he mumbled, disoriented and still trying to wake up fully.

"Video."

Jason clenched his jaw so tight he was sure Ray could hear his teeth creaking, a video was bad. It meant they had something to show. 

"Where did they find it?" He asked as he followed his second in command to were the rest of the team was huddled around a single laptop. 

"Dark web. Apparently it's spreading like wildfire." 

Shit. 

Eric who was sat in front of the laptop, looked up and looked directly at him.  
"Are you ready? It's ... its graphic."

Jason cleared his face of any emotion and nodded, he could do this.  
"We're first tier operators, graphic is what we do."  
They all could.

There was murmuring in the background of the video, probably the camera man, as the image panned across what looked like a basement until it stopped on a hanging figure. 

Clay.

Rusted metal chains wrapped around his wrists like vices, keeping him tethered to a meat hook that had been crudely screwed into the celling. The blonde's head was hung low, seemingly unconscious for the moment as hung by his arms, feet barely brushing against the floor.

That was soon corrected as a masked man strode into view, white hot crowbar gripped tightly in a heavily scarred hand, ramming it into the soldiers ribs without remorse. 

"Ah good morning sunshine!"

Clay's body jerked and his head shot up, choking down a scream when he saw the camera in front of him. Clearly he knew what was going on, the kid was far from stupid. 

Chest rising and falling rapidly as he recovered from the shock, Clay lifted his head high in defiance and slathered on his cockiest grin, broken laughter coming through on the audio.

"You think this is funny? your going to die American" the captor practically spat and swung at Clay's face with the piping hot metal as if he was batting a ball for the yankees. 

His face snapped to the side with a muffled grunt and it took a minute for him to visibly recover. Bringing his head back up, Jason grimaced at the bloodied burn that now marred the left side of Clay's face. 

"Ah thats better, now we can talk business."

Clay grinned wickedly spitting blood at his captors feet without a speck of shame or fear. 

"Fuck you!"

"Atta' boy!" Sonny shouted at the screen, eyes seemingly glossy from emotion, though he'd never admit it.

The next blow was to the stomach, knocking the breath right out of the kid. Jason wanted to look away so bad but he didn’t, knew he shouldn’t. It was only right. However much it hurt him to watch, it was hurting Spenser so much more. 

“Fiery one isn’t he? I’ll make it simple. 10 Afghani prisoners for your little pet. If not then I’ll just sell him on. There’s plenty of people who would want to make an example of a fine American ‘hero’ like him.” The masked man’s voice trailed off into a growl and motioned for the tape to be cut whilst he picked up a pair of bolt cutters.

Clays eyes widened into saucers when he saw the daunting appliance and started rambling,  
“No. No no no, no dont, DONT-“

The screen fuzzed out. 

Jason scrubbed a hand over his face and sucked in a sharp breath. He looked to Eric who looked like he was about to be sick.  
“Will they agree to the terms?” He asked simply, getting straight to the point though he knew what the answer would be already.

Eric looked uncomfortable, “The American government does not negotiate with terrorists”

“Fuck.” He breathed out. Running a hand shakily through his hair, Jason walked down to the end of the plane. He barely heard the protest of the rest of the team or Blackburn telling them they were flying out tonight. 

Grinding his teeth together Jason slammed his fist into the cool metal of the wall, he felt the pop of knuckles dislocating and cursed once more. 

“FUCK!”

It had to be the kid, couldn’t’ve been him or any of the others. What kind of leader was he if he couldn’t even keep the youngest member of their team safe. 

There were footsteps approaching him from behind, but he remained unmoving from where he had braced himself against the wall, head hung low in shame.

A firm hand gripped his shoulder tight and Ray spoke softly but sadly. 

“Blackburn declared Clay officially as MIA.”

••••••••••••••<>[SEAL TEAM]<>••••••••••••••••

Stepping off the plane only made it more real. There was a gap among them that left a hollow hole in each of them. 

Seeing Stella and AJ only made it worse. 

They were waiting at the end of the parking lot, AJ’s bouncing up and down in her mothers arms excitedly, babbling softly as she stared at the team, most likely looking for her daddy. 

The young toddler looked so much like her father it scared him sometimes. Curly blonde hair that was always a mess, baby blue eyes that you couldn’t lie to. She had been a surprise to all of them— especially Clay. The result of a six pack of beer and intense makeup sex after Mexico apparently. Nevertheless she was a grateful surprise and they all knew how much Clay loved her, more than life itself so it seemed.

They walked in formation, dress blues proudly worn while a hush descended on the parking lot. Everyone’s family’s respectfully staying silent.

Jason stopped in front of Stella and took off his hat. 

“ Ma’am.”

Stella shook her head and pursed her lips together to hold in her tears. 

“No..”

“I’m very sorry to inform you that First Class Petty officer Clay Spenser has been declared missing in action. His sacrifice will be honoured and never forgotten for as long as we remain alive.” Jason said gently, taking off his hat and tucking it underneath his armpit. 

Stella seemed to be in shock, tears flowed freely down her face but when it looked as though she might drop her daughter, Naima stepped in and took AJ from her, gently passing her to Sonny. 

As soon as her daughter was out of her arms, Stella disolved into great heart wrenching sobs.  
“ I - I told him to, to be careful” she cried into the fabric of Naima’s jacket uncontrollably.

When Jason heard AJ start to whimper he looked at Sonny.  
“Take her and everyone else to Clay’s place, we’ll join you in a bit.” 

Sonny nodded and bounced the little girl in his arms lightly, trying to distract her from her inconsolable mother and her absent father. Brock even let the little girl pet Cerberus, the big German Shepard licking her face and making her giggle slightly.

Soon it was only the four of them left. Naima, Ray, Stella and himself. 

Crouching down in front of the mother, Jason rubbed her back gently.  
“Stella I promise, we’ll bring him home.”

Ray nodded in agreement.  
“Whatever it takes.”

•••••••••••••••••[MEANWHILE]•••••••••••••••••

Clay blinked when he was suddenly doused in freezing cold water, startling him back into the present. 

“ I’ll ask again.”

His torturer, who he had nicknamed Smalldick, grabbed his face roughly, forcing Clay to look at his ugly face— though he supposed his own didn’t look much better at the moment. 

Clay screamed aloud when a butchers knife set to carving into his collarbone, cutting whatever he fancied into his skin like he was a fucking doodle pad. 

“Who are your other teammates?!”

When he stopped clay had to stop himself from hurling up on Smalldick’s shoes— even though it seemed appealing, the backlash he would get from it wouldn’t be.

“ I’ll never tell you anything!”

Clay panted out, sweat dripping down his face and mingling with the blood running down his body like rivers. His whole body might as well be the Amazon river at this point.

Smalldick raised an eyebrow and picked up a blowtorch from his ‘Make Clay Crack’ rack. 

“We’ll see about that.”

As soon as the flame touched the skin of his neck Clay thought he was going to die right then.  
All he could do was scream and try to not to disclose the names of his friends and loved ones in his hysteria. 

The only thing that kept him sane, that kept him in control of his mind was the thought of his daughter, his baby girl, his world.

When the flame moved to his face Clay screamed loud enough to blow his voice out, great agonised cries that sometimes developed into incoherent sobs. 

“Daddy loves you baby, daddy loves you. I promise baby.”  
He whimpered over and over again, like a mantra. 

Like a lifeline.


	3. To the ends of the earth, would you follow me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings. Clays Daugher. Alana Jessica.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is such a shit show honestly it’s just feelings and clays daughter lmao. It’s not edited because it’s 2:30 in the am and I am Tireddddd but I wanted to give it to yall.

It had been a month. A month. 

No chatter, no leaked information. Apparently Clay had dropped off of the edge of the earth for all anyone else knew. 

Or he was dead.

Jason shook his head with a sigh, he couldn't think like that— he wouldn't think like that. If he was dead, they would know about it. 

Of that much, he was certain. 

There was a shrill wail coming from down the hallway, causing Jason to heave himself up from where he had been drifting off on the sofa. Clays daughter — AJ — had been taking turns in staying with the team; Everyone being allocated a certain day they were on baby duty. No one really complained, it was the closest thing to Clay any of them had. 

If anything, the boys had taken to hogging the one year old, as Mickey had so rightly put it— especially Sonny. 

They were all taking it hard but Sonny was just so... angry. 

All the time.  
It worried Jason. The sooner they got the kid back, the sooner things could go back to normal. 

"Alright AJ I'm coming." Jason mumbled as he stumbled into the spare bedroom and over to Emma's old crib, the decorated with teeth marks and purple flowers from another fussy toddler he once knew.  
Pulling the small child up and into his arms, Jason couldn't help but to hug her close, face pressing into her blonde curls with a clench of his jaw. 

"What's up kid?"  
God that gave him Dejavú. 

_What's up kid?  
Stella left me._

__

_Hey kid you good?  
I'm not ready to be a father._

__

_What's bothering you kiddo?  
I want you guys to look after AJ if anything ever... you know._

__

_Of course._

__

"Daddy.." AJ hicced and gripped onto his faded navy jumper tightly with her skinny little hands.  
Jason walked out onto the porch with her quietly. It was a nice summers night, full moon casting a blue hue on the rows of houses laid out before them, warm breeze gently whipping through the street and into their faces. 

Easing himself into one of the grubby chairs on his deck, Jason tucked the fussy toddler's face into the crook of his neck and wrapped her up tight in his jacket, lightly stroking the crown of her head; He carded his fingers gently through the golden ringlets, working out any of the knots and tangles gently so there'd be less tears in the morning when he took her to 'Uncle Trent's'. 

" I know kiddo, I miss him too." Jason sighed and leaned back into the chair with a yawn. They sat there like that for a while, watching the stars fade into the big blue sky as gold rays of sun raised above the horizon, calling a new day into being.

Just when both adult and child were about ready to drift into sleep, Jason's phone pinged. 

They had a lead.

•••••••••••••<>[SEAL TEAM]<>•••••••••••••••••

"Really Hayes? A baby. In the briefing room?"

Eric was taken aback from the 5 sets of glaring eyes he got back from that comment.

"She's Clays kid" Sonny growled at him, Jason had warned him that the Texan had had a short fuse lately but he hadn't expected to have him spitting rage over what he'd said already. 

He pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned softly to himself, this was going to be a long day. He could feel it in his bones.

"No one else can look after her! Stella is- OW damn ray that hurt!"  
Ray frowned, crossing his arms.

"It's not our business to tell" Ray said simply to Brock, he knew that his intentions were good but it still wasn't their place to start telling everyone about Stella's parenting. Or lack of it. 

Stella barely even saw her daughter anymore, she was constantly working and when she wasn't constantly working she was off the grid. They all had their suspicions on what she was doing but no one wanted to confront her about it. Not until they got Clay back. 

Which meant, for now, they were all AJ had left. This created... attachments. On both ends. 

Ray was startled when Sonny slammed his hand against the table in frustration. Obviously Ray had zoned out whilst Sonny and Blackburn had continued to argue. 

There was a small sniffle, the beginnings of a cry. 

That shut everyone up real quick.

Trent glared daggers at Sonny, pressing a hand over AJ's ear, the other against his shoulder to muffle the argument. 

"Sonny cool it! She only just stopped screaming."

They all winced at that. 

Don't get them wrong, they all adored the kid. But damn did she have a pair of lungs on her! For example this morning, she had to be held all the time or she would scream bloody murder. Brock joked they could record her crying and use it to interrogate combatants. 

They didn't know why she did it. Trent said it was because she didn't have her mother or her father with her, who she'd formed attachments to, she felt abandoned. Which when you thought about it, yeah it made sense.

"I didn't-"

"Sonny! Lock it down!"  
Jason chastised looking dead on his feet. Ah. So she'd kept him up last night as well.  
It was comical really. The great Jason Hayes holding a pink unicorn diaper bag on his shoulder looking like he'd gotten 20 seconds of sleep altogether yesterday. 

" fine whatever. But she starts crying she's out."

The whole team gave a mutual murmur of agreement.

"As you all probably know you haven't been called here for a average mission... We've got a lead on Spenser." Blackburn began reaching into his pocket and pulling out a thick piece of black cloth. 

"Officially, Bravo has been taken off the mission so Tango had taken up tracking the faction that you lot had fought with and who had taken Clay." Blackburn slid the patch to the end of the conference table.

Brock was the first to reach for the fabric square, turning it over in his hands and staring at the white Bravo logo embroidered onto the front. Pursing his lips together he crouched down next to Cerberus, letting him have a sniff at it. When the Belgian Malanois whimpered and laid down, ears drooping and tail tucked under his legs, Brock knew it belong to their missing teammate. 

"It's his." He said with a sigh, holding onto the patch tight in his hand. 

Blackburn nodded and pulled a dull silver chain off of where it was wrapped around his wrist, for safe keeping. Twin dog tags hung from the end next to a plain silver ring, the initials 'AJ.S' carved into the inside of it, they clinked together softly as Eric held them out for someone for the team to take. He knew who's they were but... the boys needed to see them. 

This time it was sonny who took the chain, gripping it so tight his knuckles went white. He brushed his thumb over the tags, wiping red dust and dirt off of the written side slowly they read,

'Spenser. Clay  
682 358 12  
B. positive  
Bravo Force  
USN  
10.04.1990'

Sonny bit at his wobbling lip and he turned away from his teammates, hot tears rolling down his cheeks slowly. 

'Cmon get it together! Sonny freaking Quinn doesn't cry!'

Except for when he did. 

Sniffing loudly and wiping his eyes on his shoulder, the larger man walked over to Trent quietly. 

He looked down at those big baby blues staring up at him... just like his and it made his heart clench. Sonny carefully pulled the large necklace over the top of her head so it hung round her neck, next to the twin necklace and ring that the child wore everyday. 

Sonny had at scoffed it to begin with. She didn't know what it meant, what Clay was trying to say by giving her a matching ring and necklace. 

Then he started to realise, it wasn't just about her. It was about Clay just as much so. He had asked him about it once, right before a mission. 

<>

_"Hey Ken doll what's the deal with the ring for you and the kid?"  
Sonny asked pulling out his hammock and strapping it to the walls of the C-17 with ease. _

_Clay looked up from where he was changing out of his Civvies, and looked down at the little ring attached to his dog tags. It was rare for Sonny to be so open about a question so it must've been bugging him for a while.._

_"Well... I know that I can go out on the missions. Give it my all- as long as she knows how much I love her, how much I'll always love her"  
Clay rubbed the back of his neck nervously, face heating up in embarrassment._

_"I know it's stupid. It's just a comfort thing I guess. Puts my mind at rest."_

_Sonny shook his head and leaned against the metal walls of the C-17.  
"It's not stupid.." he said quietly tilting hi head a little and looking at the young sniper critically. _

_"You love her that much huh?"_

_Clay grinned to himself uncontrollably,  
"Yeah I do. More than I thought I could love another person."_

_Sonny smiled as well, Clay's happiness infecting him too._

_< >_

Sonny looked at AJ and tucked the tags under her fluffy blue hoodie.  
"You keep them safe for your daddy okay sugarcube?"  
He said quietly, afraid of his voice breaking if he spoke too loud. 

Trent caught eyes with Sonny and noticed how emotionally wrecked his brother looked. Looking down at the quiet but awake toddler, Trent reluctantly handed her to Sonny, missing her warmth in his arms as soon as she was gone. 

"Take her outside, we'll brief you later" 

Yes it was Trents day to have the kid and yes he was still taking her for tonight, Sonny couldn't keep her that long. But he knew that right now, his friend needed the comfort of the small child more than he did at the moment. 

As soon as Sonny was gone with AJ, Trent flopped down into the nearest chair With a sigh, cracking a small grin when Cerberus came and made himself at home in his lap.  
" I'm okay Cerb."  
He said softly petting his ears lightly. 

"Where did you find them?"  
Jason finally spoke, looking like he got news that someone hit his dog. 

“The patch was left in a abandoned Cellar in a warehouse, Iran." 

Brock cleared his throat and picked at the peeling varnish on the table,  
"And the tags?" 

Blackburn sighed and straightened up.  
"End of a mountain road. That's where we lost them." 

Ray nodded, the only person out of them all who looked a little optimistic.  
"Oh cheer up you lot. It could be a lot worse than this! He's sending us a breadcrumb trail." 

He nudged Jason in the ribs, getting their boss to look at him.  
"It means he's alive." 

"or they've killed him and are leaving a trail to trap us and kill us too." Brock muttered.<

“Wow okay Debby downer, way to keep the faith"  
Ray sighed and scratched his chin whilst he thought. 

“If he's dead we would know. There'd be a video." 

Trent wrapped his arm around the warm K9 in his lap.  
"There will be if we don't find him soon." 

“It doesn’t matter if he’s dead.”  
Brock growled out, the usually quiet man gripping the fabric of his trouser legs tightly, still staring at that patch laying on the tabletop. 

There was silence for a few seconds before the room exploded.  
“What the hell do you mean Brock of course it fucking matters!” 

“Do you not care?!” 

“He’s your fucking teammate Brock!” 

Trent slammed his hand down on the table loud enough to startle everyone.  
“For gods sakes Jason let him explain himself!” He snapped without intention, he was on edge permanently more often than not- Always worrying, always tense. 

“If we get to him too late. If we do get a video. It doesn’t matter. We still go after him. We still bring him home.” Brock said with a soft hiss. 

“They can’t keep him. They can’t have his body as well as his life” Brock was trembling violently, fists clenching and unclenching in his lap, eyes far away and distant despite the fact that he was speaking. 

This kid was really affecting them all that much huh?  
Trent never remembered it being this bad when they had lost Nate..  
But that was different. Nate was different. He’d been older, wiser, more set in his ways when he’d joined them. Clay had been- still was- young and impressionable, able to be moulded into who they wanted him to be. 

Yes he was still cocky and arrogant, thought he knew everything and was never afraid to confront someone or tell it how it was. But what he had become was open, more emotional, caring, than he had been. It made the difference. It had allowed them to accept him, to make him one of them. 

The other stuff could be beat out of him eventually but his drive and his loyalty was what really mattered most. 

Or as Jason said often enough. _‘They’d house trained the kid’_ Whatever it was, Clay had brought them all together again after Nates death, healed them up and filled the cracks. 

They needed to keep it together if they were ever going to find him whole again. 

“Brock? Hey man...” 

Ray was stood in front of their K9 handler, a hand on his shoulder lightly.  
“He’s gonna come home alive. We’re gonna bring him back _alive.”_

Their Leader had apparently gotten his shit together because right after Ray finish speaking he turned back to Blackburn,  
“Where about’s in Iran? It’s about time the team took an abroad vacation don’t you think?” 


	4. I see you in the daytime and hear you at night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tears love and an escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I can say is I’m sorry- I didn’t mean for it to be so long since I updated ;-;, also this is hinting at a pairing I would like to see more of in the fandom but... welp *shruggs* don’t worry I have it planned out, PLANNED OUT *nervously sweats*

Everyone was thrumming with anticipation. 

anxiety.

_Fear._

Fear that their little brother would already be dead by the time they got there.

Fear that it would be too late for the youngest brother of Bravo.

They had been all geared up and on the plane, ready to fly to where Clay had left his last 'clue' for them; when Mandy had gotten a tip from one of her sources.

There was going to be an execution. 

And they knew who the victim was.

There could have only been two outcomes that led to this news; either A: Clay refused to say anything, only giving them grief and attitude no matter what they asked of him. Which honestly? Wouldn't surprise Jason one bit. That kid could be a right shit when he wanted.

Or B: they broke him. They destroyed him so completely that he told them what he knew, whatever they wanted to know and they had no use for him anymore. 

No matter what Clay had or hadn't said it didn't matter. Hell he didn't care if he told them the damn street address that Jason lived on. 

Why? 

Because regardless, he was proud. So fucking _proud._

This kid. _His kid._ Had been tortured for 2 months. 60 whole days and possibly nights of torture. And yet his kid, _their kid._ Still left them clues, a trail to follow. Showed defiance in a recording for the world. Was still alive. Even after most people— most soldiers would have given up.

Now they just had to get to him.

Jason paced for the whole flight, long after he had ordered the rest of his team to get to sleep— though none of them had. They were all as on edge as he was.

Trent had double, no wait— _triple checked_ his medic kit, unsure of what condition they might find their boy in. After he'd eased his medical concerns he sat on a upturned crate next to Brock, foot tapping anxiously on the hollow metal floor. 

Brock was sat with Cerberus on his lap, a hard determined look on his face as he gently pet the rarely calm creature. The normally easy going handler was full of tension, his body sat straighter than a ramrod while he retreated into his head for the remainder of their flight.

Sonny was cleaning all of his guns, checking the mechanics over and over again. He didn't want any jamming or any misfires on this mission, they couldn't afford it. He was muttering to himself while he cleaned, hands sometimes shaking too much for him to carry out his task until he stopped and took a breather.

Ray was probably the only calm one out of them all as usual. He was FaceTiming Naima who had just gotten home from her shift at the hospital. He talked about his kids, school, how work was, was AJ behaving? Were her and RJ getting on better now? He was sorry for leaving AJ with her but it was technically his day today and so on. This went on until Naima fell asleep on the call and Ray said goodnight before hanging up. It was a sort of ritual Ray had. Calling Naima right before an op.

It was a nice routine, brought a sense of normality to their abnormal missions. 

•••••••••••••••••<[SEAL TEAM]>••••••••••••••••

Oh Jason could kill for some abnormal why? Because right now? 

It was fucking chaotic. 

Nothing at all had gone even a little bit how they had expected. _Nothing!_

Which was; unsurprisingly down to their hair-brained kid, Clay.

Somehow, bravo-six had gotten wind of what kind of end was planned on his horizon and had broken out. That's right— _Broken out!_  
And they couldn't help him. They'd been forced to watch from a mountain top as Clay struggled and fought his way out of what one could only describe as hell on earth until night fell. 

That's what they'd done officially anyway. Unofficially they'd done the exact opposite. 

Naturally. 

—————————————————  
A few hours prior:  
HAVOC:

It started off with word at 3Am that they were detouring to Syria. Mandys information had yet again been wrong, unsurprisingly. 

Apparently, while Lisa, godsend that she was, had been confirming the location of their missing bravo member, she noted something wrong with the camp which would have been the fact that it wasn’t there.

After digging around some more, she found that Clay had been sold— again. The taking of an American soldiers life was something that could go for a very high price in these parts. 

This had, of course prompted panic and more commonly _anger._

_‘Why the hell hadn't they gotten hold of this information earlier?’_

Oh right— because Mandy couldn't do her fucking job. Y'know the thing she got _paid_ to do. 

Sonny was spitting hellfire, yelling about what he'd do if she wasn't a woman, which got some... nervous glances from the support team and some disgusted looks from superiors. Sonny could be very graphic when he wanted. 

Jason stared at the Texan man whilst he lay in his hammock. Never before had he seen the other man so emotional before. Certainly not about one of his team mates. Of course they were all brothers and Jason _never_ once doubted Sonny's loyalty or love but this... this was different.

This seemed to go deeper than just brotherhood or teammates love.

This seemed like real love. 

The type of love he had with Alana.

_‘Your going crazy Jason, all this damn stress is frying your brain'_ He thought and shoved his pillow over his face, groaning internally to himself. 

Love? Yeah right. The only person Sonny had ever loved like _that_ was Lisa and...   
... Jason frowned and sat up. Now that he was thinking about it- how Sonny was acting then was very similar to how Sonny was acting now. 

Nah... Sonny? gay? Yeah right.

Jason rolled onto his side, he really needed some damn sleep. He just hoped that when he went to sleep the next night, they would have Clay back- safe and sound. After that they could discuss feelings.   
After they'd got their boy back.

———————————————

Syria:   
Enemy hideout.

Clay groaned, everything hurt. By everything Clay meant- _everything._

He was going to die in the next 24 hours. That much he knew for sure. Clay was just going to make sure it was on his damn terms, how he wanted to die. 

That would be enough. 

Bravo 6 slowly opened his sore eyes, blearily looking around at the room they'd chucked him in last night which he assumed was intended to become his last resting place. Yeah, fuck that.

He felt like that damn cat his grandparents had back in Liberia. It was a ragged, scruffy thing, always hungry and always meowing. Except for one time it wasn't. One morning they'd come downstairs and she was gone. Just gone. 

They found her two days later under the rose bush— dead. 

She'd gone away to die. 

Yeah, right now Clay empathised with that cat a lot.

Surprisingly, Clay didn't feel angry or abandoned, though he supposed he should a little bit. He knew they probably had orders and even if they knew where he was, which Clay highly doubted, they wouldn't be able to charge in and get him like they would want to. 

Somehow, in Clay's fried mind, he'd made peace with it. No one was coming for him. Probably for the better; from what Clay could tell from what little he'd seen upon entering, this place was in the middle of a valley. They wouldn't be able to get a helo in for an exfil...

Scrubbing grit out of his eyes with the heel of his palm, Clay pushed the thoughts from his head. He couldn't think about that now, there wasn't any point and there definitely wasn't any time.

It was happening today. He could tell from the excited voices of his captors and the way they looked at him like a shiny new toy. 

Clay reckoned that he had about 10 minutes in his tank before he was done and even then, if he took a direct hit to... well anywhere, he was done. 

Game over.

He let his head fall back against the stone wall with a soft thunk,

_‘Was there even any point in fighting back?'_

AJ's face flashed through his mind. Her cute chubby little cheeks and her sparkling blue eyes as she reached out for him to pick her up again.  
Sonny's deep laugh echoed in his ears as he ate shitty street food and took way too many shots with Clay. 

_‘There was'_

The Navy SEAL pulled his feet underneath him so he was ready to spring when the guard came in to get him. The shitheads hadn't even bothered to put restraints on him, probably thought he was too weak. He was. He had more cuts and burns and chunks of him missing than if he'd gone through a mincer. But they'd underestimated him, underestimated his love. As a father and as a brother.

He hated the thought of AJ in 10 years time finding the video which her dad was executed in. His head being cut off with a machete or a bullet going through his skull... no.

He couldn't let her go through that. He couldn’t let any of his friends go through that.

So, Clay waited. Waited for his chance to strike. He only had one try at this so he pulled as much of his shattered mind together as he could. He had to do this. It _had_ to work.

If it didn't then he'd failed. 

Without meaning to his eyes started to slip shut slowly, exhaustion clawing at his eyelids desperate for a few feverish hours of sleep.

Clay gasped and his head shot back up, there was a rattling at the door to his cell. He must've fallen asleep. Fuck he wasn't ready, his head was fuzzy and he couldn't remember his plan. Had he even had one? He didn't think so. 

_‘Now or never I guess'_

He saw the rusty door handle twist as one of his captors stepped into his room, not a worry about the unrestrained prisoner less than 3 feet from him. Big mistake. 

As soon as the guards gaze shifted away from Clay,   
that's when he sprung like a coiled snake.

————————————

Present time:  
Syria:  
Execution sight

What the fuck was he doing? 

Sonny stared at the building through his scope, hand shaking as he adjusted the spec so he could get a clearer view of the scene from their position. 

Everyone knew what he was doing, no one needed to say it.

He was saving himself. 

And shit, Sonny didn't know that would hurt as much as it did. But they were here now, they'd make it count. 

For someone who'd been tortured for two months, he was holding his own. For now.

_‘We're coming Clay just hold on.'_

They were trying to get down the side of the mountain without being noticed. Jason wanted to be in and out but seeing the amount of combatants that were down there, Sonny knew that wasn't happening.

It was going well: they were almost to where Clay was holed up behind a broken down pick-up, they had yet to be noticed and no one had fallen face first over the edge.

They were close enough that Sonny could see their teammates expression. He saw the moment where Clay made the decision to go out in a blaze of glory. He saw it go through that thick, beautiful, _broken_ mind of his.

Sonny felt like he could actually see what he was thinking, he could see the pain on his face, the hopelessness in his posture— how _damaged_ he was in his head.   
He pulled his stolen gun to his mouth and kissed the barrel. 

A prayer. 

A goodbye. 

"No. Don't do it- Clay! don't you dare!" Sonny bellowed, breath caught in his throat.

He hissed, picking up the pace and half stumbling half skidding down the rest of the way. Clay didn't know they were here- how close they were!

It wasn't like in the movies, where everything slowed down to that one second where you could see everything clearly and in slow motion. In fact it was the exact opposite, it was over in the blink of an eye. 

Clay had reloaded what was presumably his last mag and stumbled out from behind the safety of the truck. Honestly, how far did he think he was going to get?

He got four steps and 6 shots off, all of them on target. Bravo six wasn't the team sniper for nothing, his accuracy was astonishing. But then he went down.

And all hell broke loose.

It looked bad, even from up here— through the lower chest. In his silhouette against the afternoon sun, Sonny watched as his body snapped to the side with the impact and fell. _He fell._

No this wasn't happening. He hadn't survived all that shit, to go out like this. In the dirt, not knowing that his brothers come for him. Not knowing that Sonny had come for him— like he’d promised he always would. 

Sonny knew, he knew that Clay felt what he felt, even though Sonny also knew how in love Clay was with Stella. 

"CLAY"

"Ray go high! Lay us down some cover!" 

"SONNY GET BACK HERE!"

Sonny was hurtling it down the slope, disregarding all of what Jason was saying, he would deal with the repercussions later. 

A string of rapid fire rained above him, but it wasn't directed at him. Regardless, it gave him enough time to skid over to Clay, hauling him behind an outcrop of rock by his armpits. 

"Shit- Clay," He breathed out shakily, grabbing the others bruised wrist and desperately trying to find a pulse all the while keeping his other hand on the kids gunshot wound. Crimson blood seeping through his fingers and into the sand below them.

No pulse. 

_Shit no pulse!_

"TRENT!" He hollered, hands trembling as he gripped Clay's wrist so hard that it should've hurt him if he was awake.

"Right here." Trent said, tone calm but movements jerky and terrified.   
He wasted no time though.  
"Sonny move back, I'm gonna start CPR"

Sonny did as he was told, keeping his death grip on the kids hand, pressing the cold fingers to his forehead.   
_‘Come on Clay, don't-  
don't you dare do this' _

Trent grit his teeth, his hope hanging on by a threat.  
"Dammit Clay- Breathe!" He choked out between stopping to push air into the kids lungs and ramming his clasped hands down into his chest as hard as he could. It made him sick to feel his ribs cracking and snapping beneath his fingers. 

"Please Clay- _please_ ”Trent gasped and stopped for a second looking to Sonny to see if he could feel a pulse.

He shook his head at Trent with fear in his eyes, nothing.

Trent started compressions again, it was too long- too damn long. 

They were gonna loose him. _Again._


	5. Morning has come but I have to go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has feelings. That’s it that’s the chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omfg ok. Ok. I’m sorry y’all. It’s been tough it rlly has this chapter was honestly so hard to write. I’m not that good at medical stuff.... also! Medical inconsistency and Inaccuracys ofc. As usual if you enjoyed it drop a comment down below! Or if you’ve got any ideas let me know! Hope y’all are safe. Enjoy!

Clay coughed suddenly, eyes snapping wide open as he took great choking gasps. Never before had Trent been so grateful to see those big baby blues staring up at him than he was in that moment. 

10 more seconds and Trent would've given up. 

10 more seconds and he’d be dead.

Realisation dawned on him that the youngest bravo member was panicking. He was awake and breathing but not nearly as much as he should be and he was cold, despite them being in the desert. That would have something to do with the blood-loss.

"Hey— hey! Clay it's me, it's Trent. You remember me?" He lightly slapped the kids cheek with his shaking hands and tried to avoid the grotesque burn that marred his neck and up onto his cheek (Trent was almost certain he could see the milky white of his jawbone peeking through the skin.) keeping him alert should help ward off shock for now-

He hoped anyway.

Clay nodded shakily, breathing broken and shallow. Okay, good but also not good. 

"Brock put pressure on that gunshot— Sonny help me examine him for other life threatening injuries." He said sharply, mind switching from brother to medic mode.

Trent ran his hands over the kids body, feeling for anything of major concern that wouldn't wait until they found their way out of this hellhole.

The medic's fingers hovered over the jagged third degree burns coating the left side of brothers face and neck, he didn't doubt that there were more dipping under the scrap of Clays clothing. 

Trent suppressed a shudder, he would definitely need skin graphs for those, no doubt antibiotics too if the clamminess of his skin was anything to go by. Burns were a bitch to keep clean at the best of times but in these conditions? Yeah, he had no doubt they were infected.

There was a sudden bang that shook the ground and Trent instinctively moved to shield their fallen teammate from the worst of the dust and rocks blown their way. Brilliant. The fuckers had RPG's too. 

"Uh Trent? He doesn't look so hot" 

Grinding his teeth together, Trent shot a glare Brock's way,

"Yeah no shit, he's been tortured for over a month. You expect him to be the picture of fucking health?"

The medic winced internally, snapping at his teammates wasn't something he intended to do.

_'Get it together Trent. It's just like any other mission'_

"Sorry, just— keep checking on his breathing and try and keep pressure on his chest." He gritted out, weighing up the options they had at their disposal. 

He pressed his hand to Clay's forehead, worrying his lip between his teeth.

"We need to get him out of here, I can't do anything while we're under fire like this."

Trent cued into the comms.  
"Bravo 1 do you copy?"

"Loud and clear bravo 4, how's our boy?"

Trent sucked in a breath and spared a glance down at Clay. Freezing and clammy with infection, 2 GSW's to the chest, extensive burns and fuck knows what else.

"Not good- we need to get him somewhere out of the way, can't do anything for him now"  
He waited for a response, the silence from their team leader deafening.

"Copy that. There's a cave about 5 mikes to your right. Me and Bravo 2 will lay down some cover for you. Meet us there"

"Rodger that Bravo 1"

Trent turned his attention back to their injured brother. He needed to think quick about how they were going to move him, his gaze quickly snapped to Sony who was anxiously monitoring the kids breathing.

"Sonny"

The Texan tore his gaze from Clay back to the team medic.  
"What's the plan ?"

Trent pulled a few pads of gauze and a strip of bandages, making quick work of packing the bleeding wounds with the gauze and tying the bandages around his torso to keep them in place.  
"Okay Son', your gonna bridal carry the kid up to the cave on our right, I can get a better look at him there."

He quickly shoved his supplies into his kit and threw it over his shoulder, lifting his gun once more.

"Brock watch our 6.”

Trent helped Sonny gently manoeuvre Clay into a position that would be safest for him to be carried, wincing at every little defeated whimper he managed to choke out.

"I got ya buddy" Sonny rumbled comfortingly to the younger, sliding his arms underneath his legs and back as he pulled him up into a secure grip. Trent physically flinched at the pained cry when he was lifted, as did Sonny and Brock.

"Easy Bam-Bam. We're getting you out of here."

Trent was pretty sure Clay had already passed out.

And just like that they were running. Sonny taking the lead and Brock and Trent falling in behind with Cerberus running up ahead and circling back down to them every so often. 

Gunfire echoed throughout the valley, overlapping one another so much that it became difficult to tell who was winning the makeshift shoot out happening below them.   
Trent hoped it was their boys. 

He pulled his bag off of his back when the cave entrance drew near, running in before Sonny and clearing a spot for him to set Clay down.

Once the kid was on his back, Trent got to work trying to get an IV line into the back of his hand, he'd already lost a lot of blood and if he went into shock now they would really be up shit creek. 

Especially with evac not possible until the next sunrise.

Trent whistled Brock over once he'd gotten the line started, making sure the drip was working before he passed the bag of Saline up to the handler to hold high. He was so glad Clay was unconscious for this— they all knew how much the little shit fussed and resisted when you had to stick him with any sort of needle. 

"Sonny help me get his clothes off,” he said quickly, the amount of red bleeding through the thin beige shirt scaring him. 

With both him and Sonny armed with a pair of scissors they were able to somehow cut the shirt and grey shorts off of their boy, only leaving him clad in his black boxers. No one even mentioned it, a testament to the grim atmosphere smothering the cave. 

Trent sucked in a sharp breath. It was worse than he thought. 

••••••••••••••••<[SEAL TEAM]>•••••••••••••••••

"Easy Clay– just _breathe._ That's it. ‘Atta boy”

Jason cradled Clay against his chest, body stretched between his legs and head supported by the team leaders shoulder. 

They had wrapped him in 2 of the emergency blankets they had, despite it being hot enough for the rest of them to strip their gear lest they overheat;   
Trent had said it was 'Hypovolemic shock'?... something like that anyway. As well as shutting down your organs, it apparently stopped your body thermo regulating— made the kid plummet from burning up to freezing his dick off real quick. 

At least they didn't have to worry about the fever yet.

The kid was hanging on.

just. 

_‘Of course he was. Clay was a fucking fighter'_

But he was having difficulty breathing now, each inhale causing visible agony for the young seal. Every time he sucked in a breath his face creased in pain and he grabbed onto the thing nearest him, usually an arm or a shirt.

Though he did try and paw his IV out in a panic when he’d first come round.   
Trent had not been happy about that. 

One of the bullets pierced his lung— collapsing it; the other shattered his ribs completely on his right side as it passed through, ricocheting off of his chest plate. 

According to Trent he also had a fractured jaw and multiple 3rd degree burns combined with suspected internal bleeding in his abdomen and 2 GSW's to the chest area. In addition to this, the kid had a serious infection bordering on septic and was missing... a few toes. 

By all rights he should be dead.   
Wasn't yet.   
But medically and logically he should be.

He guessed that was Clay Spenser though. Never doing what he should do. 

The team had been here for a few hours now and it only seemed to be going downhill.   
The sun had set and night had fallen, they'd passed the 4 hour mark around 20 minutes ago which still only made it 2AM. 

5 hours until their medevac arrived at dawn.

5 hours was a long time for something to go wrong.   
A long time to wait for proper medical assistance. 

Yes, Trent was good but he wasn't a miracle worker. Jason knew that. They all knew that.   
No one wanted to even consider it but there was a possibility that Clay might just... slip through they fingers this time but they knew it could happen. 

Like Nate.

Like Alana.

Like Adam.

Like Swanny.

"Jas..." Clays sudden attempt to speak gave Jason the tug back into the present that he needed. Getting lost in his head wasn't gonna do shit at a time like this. 

"Yeah kid,...what's up?"

" _D-Dad.."_ Clay rasped, fingers weakly curling into the sleeve of Jason's beige shirt.

This... this _damn_ kid. 

Always throwing him a fucking curve ball.

Trent had said he was pretty out of it, probably wouldn't be making a whole lot of sense right about now or at any time in the near future. Sure he had moments of lucidity but those were getting rarer and rarer as he deteriorated.

Was he referring to Ash? Did Clay think he was seeing his asshole of a father in front of him? 

Or did he mean Jason? 

Jason brought his hand up to cup the back of the kids neck, cradling his face against his shoulder as he brushed his fingers through the curly blonde hair that was matted with blood and dirt. 

He didn't care what Clay meant, Jason felt the same, even though his fear was choking him too much for him to say so.

"I'm here Clay."

"I'm _here_ “

Never had he thought that he'd be seeing this cocky, arrogant, cock sure kid he’d dragged off of green team— become _his_ kid. He would've laughed in your face if you'd told him that. Especially when they first got him.

"How's he doing?" Brock asked after coming in sopping wet, having scouted the surrounding area for any more combatants. He took a glance at Clay and Jason and quickly averted his gaze, feeling like he was invading something personal. 

The handler dropped the leash when the K9 began to tug, straining to get to their youngest member. 

"Not good" Trent supplied for Jason when their boss didn’t even open his mouth. Yeah. Not good about summed up what he was seeing. 

Brock shuffled his feet, uncertain of what to do, how to help. Instead he asked the only thing constantly pounding in his mind. 

"He... he gonna make it?" 

"He fucking better, or I'm gonna wring that pretty little neck of his in the afterlife" Sonny snapped though everyone could see the concern through the anger clear as day. Sonny was crap at hiding feelings.   
Especially concern.

"I..." Trent glanced at them all and ran a hand through his hair. A nervous tick of his. 

"I don't know. If we weren't here, sitting around waiting till morning for evac I would say he has a good chance but..."

"Considering the circumstances.." Ray supplied from where he was pouring some water into a collapsible bowl for their K9 teammate. 

"Yeah." He sighed "Considering the circumstances I don't..." the stoic put together medic, the most collected of them all, choked on his words.

"It doesn't look good guys"

——————————————————[SEAL•TEAM]  
——————————————————

"Trent..." 

"Mmh, Fuck off sonny"

Ugh, he only wanted some sleep was that so hard? It wasn't as if they had anywhere to go. 

"Trent!" 

The sharp bark from his team leader got him shooting up into a sitting position, hurriedly wiping sleep from his bleary eyes. He'd only gone down after getting the kid stable. He didn't think he'd been out that long.

Had something happened? 

"Wha- I'm awake whas' wrong?" He mumbled, tongue tripping over his on words as his brain stubbornly refused to wake up. 

Good news maybe? Oh he could hope.

"He's... he ain't." Sonny's bearded face bobbed into view, fear worn on his face like the Texan had painted it on. 

Ok not so not good news then. 

Shuffling over to Clay on his numb ass, Trent quickly became aware of the issue whilst he was checking his vitals, trying see what had both his boss and their resident hothead so spooked. 

"It's ok he's still breathing—" Trent gritted his teeth as he held his hand in front of Clay's nose, wisps of breath tickling his palm.

"Barely.”

Sonny's face contorted from fear to anger which yeah he'd assumed was coming. Sonny never did anything without being a little angry or pissed off with it. 

"There's really nothing else you can do?"

"You think if I could've done anything more I would be waiting to do it?!" Trent snarled, exhaustion and fear making him short tempered and harsh. 

"Hey easy guys..."   
Ray, tried to pacify everyone's tempers without much luck. Trent gave him points for trying though.

"Oi, what the hell am I supposed to-"   
Sonny started but never got the chance to finish as Jason's booming voice echoed through the cave.

"KNOCK IT OFF"  
Jason had their youngest member tucked snugly into his arms, chin resting atop his mop of blonde curls— swaddled in 3 blankets, Brock's jacket and the hair missile laying over his legs.

Trent assumed Cerberus could sense the tension, the German Malanois letting out a low snarl every time the voices rose too loud or the voices got too angry.

"If this is all we can do for him we might as well give him some peace and fucking quiet while were at it!"   
Jason looked ready to kill the next person who made an unnecessary sound, fingers carding through the filthy hair in a soothing manner. 

——————————————  
[SEAL•TEAM]  
——————————————

Pain. That was the first thing that Clay felt when he came round for the seemingly hundredth time. Pain, agony whatever you wanted to call it.   
This shit was fucking excruciating.

The cold, hard ground beneath his back told him that he was no longer in a teammates arms as he had been for the past few hours. There were a rush of voices that suddenly flooded his ears and Clay forced himself to peel his eyes open just a fraction.

"Well hey there wonderboy— gave us quite a scare"   
Sonny's deep rumbling voice soothed over Clays worries but also brought more questions to the front of his mind.

"He awake?" 

"Spense?"

"Thought we lost you for a moment there "

Clay blinked, trying to pick out voices and who they belonged to.  
"How you feeling kid?"

He knew that voice. Jason. His boss and his only living father figure. Not that he'd ever tell him that.   
The guys weren't known for touchy feely crap, even when Alana died or AJ was born. Though they had cooed like old ladies when he first introduced the newborn to the team. 

Licking his lips, Clay thought for a moment, coherent words apparently leaving his mind. He settled for the big question still bobbing around in his pain addled head. 

"You- you found me?"

There was a sharp intake from sonny's direction and then a calloused hand was brushing against his decent cheek with surprising gentleness and care. Soothing.

"Made a promise." Jason croaked from above him. Clay ignored the water the dropped onto his forehead. He was assuming everyone was too. He must've been touch and go for a long time if everyone had gone through the;  
'He might die so let's reminisce' phase.

Now that he was more in his own head, he could fuzzily make out of the shape of all his brothers crowded around him, all six of them touching him in some way. Brock's hand on his knee, Ray's legs brushing against his own, Trent's hand loosely encircling his wrist, Sonny's palm hovering over his chest and most importantly, Cerberus laying across his legs.

"thank you."   
Clays voice broke, hot tears running down his cheeks, relief at being rescued from that hellhole breaking through the fuzziness of his head.

Oh hell he was a fucking sap. The guys were never gonna let him live this down. Or maybe they would- considering the circumstances after all.

He heard the thundering of a helo engine approach them and Clay let himself drift into the darkness that was clawing at his eyes; he knew his brothers had his back whilst he hid from the pain ripping through his broken body. 

He thought he heard pleads for him to stay awake but Clay didn't listen- when did he ever, slipping underneath the surface where the pain ebbed away, the blackness holding him in a gentle embrace. Only when he felt his lungs burning for air and his heart was ramming itself against his chest did he realise what he'd done.

_'Ah shit.'_


	6. Deleted speech Scene(s)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah I’m so so so SO sorry for my absence I have no excuse really. Life has been... pretty hellish the last few months and dealing with my own demons has been tough to say the least. I’ll try to get a proper chapter out as soon as I can (with season 4 spurring me on) but for now I hope I can satisfy you guys a little with this small deleted speech from the past few chapters. Stay happy and healthy <3 xx

Intubating Clay:

“Trent!" R

"TRENT!" R

".... What." T

"Kids not breathing." R

"Fuck ok how long?" T

"Five minutes, maybe more.." R

"Fucking hell Clay don't you do this-" T

"-What's going on?" J

"Spense ain't breathing" R

"Awh hell." J 

"Pulse?" B

"Barely" T

"Wh-what are you doin' was' that?" S

"I'm intubating him" T

"But you said-" S

"I know what I said but it's the best we got!"T

"Brock, Ray hold his shoulders down, Sonny- legs, Jaso, hips. It's gonna hurt like a bitch- Kids gonna fight like hell." T

"One - two - three." T

"Easy Clay, easy" J

"Relax Spense, just relax man." R

"Ok,ok ok, i know it's shit I know I'm sorry buddy" T

"I know it hurts but stop fighting it, cmon Clay let it happen come on....atta boy." J

"That's it, just calm down-" R

——-

"Hey- HEY! Shut the fuck up, sit the fuck down or he's gonna bash your pansy as head in and I'm gonna damn well let him." R about J (holding C)


End file.
